Uncle James

        I don't think I've ever experienced sorrow as greatly as I have this week. 

I keep thinking I've run out of tears, only to begin crying again. 

My heart aches and the pain won't go away. 

It hurts me so much to think of you in your last moments, feeling so lost and alone. 

It hurts to see so many people I love in anguish, hurting and agonizing over what more they could have done for you. 

I keep waking up in the middle of the night, my heart racing as if I've had a bad dream, only to come to the sickening realization that the thoughts that are heavy on my mind are a reality. 

     I keep expecting you to call, making sure Bella and I have eaten dinner, or to ask for help with your computer. 

     I'm sorry that I couldn't help you more. 

I'm sorry that you felt like you had to hide weakness from me. 

I wish you were here to see everyone celebrating your life. 

I hope you know how loved you were. 

I hope you know how much everyone misses you. 

My heart is broken and it's a pain that I don't understand. 

But I'm glad that you're no longer in pain. 

     Thank you for everything you've done for me. 

Thank you for your kindness and your love.
Thank you for genuinely caring about me. 

Thank you for being proud of me. 

Thank you for taking care of me.

     You've touched my life more than you realize. 

I love you. 

Parents are Awesome

     When you're a child, you can only see things through one point of view, yours. Like when you first learn that your grandma is your mom's mom, and not actually 'grandma' to everyone. We have so little experience and our view is so narrow that we can't see anything more than what's on the surface.
     I wish as a child (and teen) I had been able to see how great my parents really were. Not that I didn't love and appreciate them, because I did! But I didn't always look beyond the surface. To me, they were just mom and dad. I never really took the time to look at who they were as people. In all fairness, it took me a while to realize that people have more going on than what they reveal. I wasn't an air headed kid, per se, I was just living in ignorant bliss. Honestly, I still kinda am, and I get a rude awakening everyday. I try to believe that people are intrinsically good and kind, and that the world isn't doing so bad after all, but it's pretty hard when you hear about all the horrible stuff that's going on and you see the way people treat each other. It's pretty depressing. I think I started out an optimist but now have my toe dipped in the waters of realism. I just hope I never swim over to pessimism because that just seems like a really depressing way to live. But that's besides the point I was getting at. Anywho, what I was trying to say is that I never realized how awesome my parents really were. I don't know if being away from home made me realize it, or maybe growing up and getting experience in real life, maybe a little of both.
      I love my parents! I love them so much. I can't really think of a more eloquent way to express it. My mom is the best example of service and forgiveness and unconditional love. Without telling you every single detail of our family life, I'll just say that my mom is always busy. She works full time and has been going to school to finish her Masters these past few years. She can, and does, get stressed over EVERYTHING. But she always makes time to serve those in need. I've seen her get hurt by words from the people she serves, and if I were in her place, I might not have gone back, but she always does. My dad is so humble and hard working, not to mention patient. Do you know many fathers who have the capacity to coach three teenage females in golf (one of, if not the most, mentally demanding sports around)? Didn't think so.

     It's hard for me to fathom how much parents love their children. It's even more astonishing to think of the love our Heavenly Father has for us. When I look at the Lord's hand in my life it is hard to feel anything but gratitude. There have been so many times when I've been upset when things didn't go my way, but seemed to work out after all. There's a really cheesy quote that everyone used to post on their Instagram selfies, something along the lines of "everything will be ok in the end, if it's not ok, it's not the end". Super cliche, but super true. Heavenly Father can see the whole picture. It is this that helps me through trials. When I feel like I've missed an opportunity, or life has treated me unfairly, I need only to remember that God has a plan for me, and is guiding me toward everything he has in store. Faith in him includes faith in his timing.

     People aren't lying when they say your parents know best.

21 things to do before I turn 21

I can't believe we're at the end of 2013! It feels like the year just started. Pretty soon I'll be halfway to 40. That scares me.....a lot. Things are a-changin, and I want to make sure I live life to the fullest!! So here's a list of 21 things that I want to do before I'm 21!  

1. Jump the rock at Waimea

(I've gone up a dozen times and always chicken out)

^^this is not Waimea btw

2.  Touch a turtle
this awesome photo was taken by my friend Emily. 
 check out her blog!

3. Hike stairway to heaven with my sister

4. Shoot the tube

5. Hot springs

6. Ice skate on a frozen lake

7. Ride in a horse drawn carriage

close enough?

8. Bowl more than 100
I'm gonna need a lot of practice haha 

9. Juggle a golf ball 30+ times

10. Shoot in the 60's

11. Do a proper cartwheel
a failed attempt
half a second before I ate sand

12. Meet Miranda Sings

13. Go to the eye doctor...i think I'm nearsighted 

14. Touch a snake
the first snake I've ever seen
it was tiny and dead
i did not touch it

15. Make myself like sushi

(in all honesty, it's probably not gonna happen, I've been trying for years)

16. Crochet something (and actually finish it)
This is as far as I got with last years project. I think it was meant to be a headband.

17. Go to a barn dance 

18. Learn to parallel park 

19. Go to a beach I've never been to 

20. Find another pair of yellow slim ox's

the loyalest pair of sneakers i've ever had

21. Go "mainland" camping 

Camping in Hawaii is basically living the definition of a beach bum to a tee. 

eat, sleep. beach. repeat 3x a day. 

Train Ride in my Brain

 

    I am a blurter. I say what comes to mind. Over the years, I have become better at filtering my thoughts, but I'm still fairly certain that I could be considered certifiably insane if judged by what comes out of my mouth. Rewind to about eight years ago. I was sitting in my middle school math class and had just made somewhat of an air headed comment. My teacher took a long look at me and said "you know, you could make a lot of money if you would let people take a train ride inside your brain." So, here I am. I'm not making lots of money, but the train is up and running and ready for use. ALL ABOARD!